Gradual Sleep Training: Effective methods That Don't Involve Crying It Out
If the term sleep training brings to mind images of a baby crying alone in a crib, you're not alone. Many parents worry that helping their child learn independent sleep skills requires a singular method of leaving them in the crib and prolonged crying.
This blog will explain what Cry-it-Out really is, introduce alternative sleep training methods that actually work, and explain why sleep training isn't just about getting rest: it's about giving your baby confidence, security, and better nights ahead.
This blog will help you identify the approach that suits your family, give you a path forward, and even bust some sleep training myths along the way!
What is Cry-It-Out?
Cry-It-Out (CIO), also known as extinction, is a child-led sleep training method where parents meet their babies needs before putting them in the crib and then allow their baby to learn to fall asleep without their help. The goal is to give the child space to practice self-soothing and eventually fall asleep independently.
CIO often gets a reputation for being harsh, but research shows that when done correctly, it does not harm a baby’s development or the parent-child bond. What it does require is a high tolerance for crying and a commitment to consistency: two things that can feel challenging in the moment.
It’s important to note: Cry-It-Out is not the right fit for every family. While it can be very effective (and often in a short period of time), our approach is always to help parents choose a method that aligns with their comfort level, parenting style, and lifestyle—because there are many ways to support healthy sleep. Often when parents are seeking the help of a sleep consultant it’s because they are experiencing difficulty making change and going to this extreme is unnecessary.
What Are Cry-it-Out Alternatives?
Cry-It-Out is often assumed to be the same thing as sleep training—but that’s not the case. In reality, there are many different methods, ranging from very gentle approaches to more structured ones. The key is finding the method that works best for your baby and your family.
How to Choose a Sleep Training Method
When deciding what approach feels right, consider:
Your lifestyle: Do you need quicker results, or do you prefer a slower, gradual process?
Your parenting style & family dynamics: How much hands-on involvement feels natural to you? Do you have a partner to share the process?
Your environment: Is your baby sharing a room with siblings, or do you have your own nursery setup?
Your tolerance for crying: All methods involve some protest, but some require more patience for crying and fussing than others.
The best sleep training method is the one you can stick with consistently and that feels aligned with your family’s needs.
The Chair Method (Gradual Independence)
How it works: Sit next to your baby’s crib at bedtime, then move the chair a little farther away every 1–3 nights until you’re eventually outside the room.
Timeline: Usually takes 2 weeks.
Best for: Parents who want to remain close during the process and babies who struggle when left completely alone.
TIP: The Chair Method is a favorite of ours, so much so that we wrote a detailed blog about it!
Pick-Up-Put-Down (PUPD)
How it works: When your baby cries, pick them up and soothe until calm (but not asleep), then put them back down drowsy but awake. Repeat as needed.
Timeline: Can be lengthy at first, but consistency pays off.
Best for: Younger babies (under 6 months) and parents comfortable with hands-on involvement.
The Fading Method (Gently Reducing Sleep Associations)
How it works: Gradually reduce sleep associations like rocking, feeding, or cuddling. For example, shorten rocking time or reduce nighttime feeding duration until your baby can fall asleep independently.
Timeline: Typically 1 week per major change.
Best for: Babies with strong sleep associations and parents who prefer very gradual changes.I love using this approach with younger infants who are feeding to sleep or have a high pacifier dependency.
The Ferber Method (Gradual Extinction)
How it works: Place your baby down awake, then check in at set intervals (e.g., 5, 7 minutes) to briefly reassure them without picking them up (place a hand on their belly or repeat a comforting phrase). Gradually lengthen intervals over several nights. We suggest being mindful of not just how long your baby is crying for but really what does that cry sound like and how is their body language – sometimes babies use their voices to help them fall asleep!
Timeline: Often works within 3–7 nights.
Best for: Babies 14 weeks and older, and parents comfortable with some crying but wanting to provide check-ins.
No Matter What: Create a Predictable Bedtime Routine
A strong routine is the foundation of every sleep training method. We always recommend having a routine with a strong beginning, middle, and end!
Aim for 30–45 minutes of calming, predictable activities such as:
Warm bath
Brushing teeth
Fresh diaper and/or pajamas
Quiet book or story in neutral location (not their bed)
Turn on white noise
A final cue – such as a prayer, song or positive affirmation
Into the crib or bed awake
Consistency is key—stick to the same order each night, and this routine will become the sleep cues that tell your child’s body to wind down!
How to Create a Calming Environment for Sleep
A calming environment is just as important as the training method itself. Here's how to create the perfect space for sleep:
Use a White Noise Machine – Drowns out household noise and creates a consistent sound environment for sleep.
Keep the Room Dark – A nightlight is fine for toddlers, but avoid bright lights that might overstimulate.
Maintain a Cool Temperature – Babies sleep better in a slightly cooler room (around 68-72°F).
Prioritize Sleep Safety, Always – We have a blog on this, if you’re not sure your child’s sleep space is 100% safe, read Tips for Safe Sleep Spaces.
The Benefits of Sleep Training (No Matter the Method)
Better Sleep for Everyone – Rested babies are happier, more alert, and better learners. Rested parents are more patient, emotionally available, and healthier.
Builds Independence & Confidence – Learning to self-soothe helps babies feel secure and capable, a skill that extends well beyond sleep.
Reduces Parental Sleep Deprivation – Consistent sleep lowers risks of postpartum depression, anxiety, and exhaustion.
Establishes Healthy Long-Term Habits – Early sleep skills make later transitions (like toddler beds or school schedules) much smoother.
Dramatically Reduces Night Wakings – Once babies learn to link sleep cycles, they often return to sleep independently without parental help.
Improves Daytime Behavior & Development – Quality sleep supports emotional regulation, learning, memory, and physical growth.
Strengthens the Parent-Child Bond – You're a better parent when you’re rested (and let’s be honest, your child is easier to parent when they’ve slept!).
Final Thoughts
Sleep Training isn’t about rigid rules—it’s about teaching a valuable life skill in a way that respects both your baby’s needs and your own. Every family’s journey looks different, and there’s no single “right” timeline.
Most importantly, remember: you’re not just teaching your child to sleep, you’re building the foundation for lifelong healthy rest. With consistency, compassion, and time, you’ll build a routine that helps your family thrive!
It can be normal not to know where to start! If you need help with sleep training, schedule a complimentary consultation call with me, and we can explore your options for support together!
Meg O'Leary is an Infant and Child Sleep Expert and the founder of A Restful Night. Based in Westchester County, NY, she leads a team of certified sleep coaches to provide virtual support to families across the US and around the world.
